it doesn’t really cut like a knife

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It’s valentine’s day.

And I’m bummed. Not really bummed, I’ll go swimming later.

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Long ago.

I broke my phone.

He looked at me and eventually gave me his other phone.

I felt like the need to text him back in return for his nice gestures.

He offered things and did things for me. I refused.

The chatting went on for a couple of weeks. Or was it days?

I’m not really sure. After all, everything seemed odd at that time.

Everyone was studying, I was texting.

And it hit me, I’m not as smart as the others, and yet I waste my time oodling on my phone.

So I stopped. I turned to my books instead.

He kept asking what was wrong.

I ignored everything. and one friend told me, "hala mo emery, gin anu mo to?" after seeing him on the balcony.

And so, there was this morning, most of my friends went home.

I woke up with a very loud speaker coming from his room.

So loud that all the fruit flies probably died because of the vibrations.

“she’s out of my life, she’s out of my life, I don’t know whether to laugh or cry

I don’t know whether to live or die.

And it cuts like a knife. She’s out of my life”

he repeated this song endless times. and all i did was bite my nails.

It was time for me to go home.

Six months after, he texted and asked if I was mad at him.

I didn’t reply.

So now, I remember these things.

How bad of a person I am.

Of doing those horrible things to him, and to the others.

There are others.

The weird thing is, I don’t feel guilty at all.

So now I want to sing that song too.

They’re out of my life. I don’t know whether to laugh or cry.

Well, it doesn’t really cut like a knife, because I’m not like crying or sad or anything.

It’s not like a cut. It’s more of like an abrasion, an abrasion that leaves a very distinct and noticeable scar.

On the brighter side,

I think of my decisions as like a very looong stretch.

Long enough that will keep me from having minor soreness and injuries one day.

Having said that, I’m all good.

As the divine miss Keys says, Everything’s gonna be alright.

ay ambot, paryos gd ta zao.. ka dramahan ah.. haha

indi na benj the earlier the better ah, idol ko daan jennifer aniston.. lol. pati ah.