Book One: Hello

I was quite surprised when I saw this on my drafts folder. This was my attempt to write a book. I don't write for a living so again, this was just an attempt. I distinctly remember I was somewhere far when I wrote all this. Yeah, those trying times. I can still remember the characters as I wrote their story, but couldn't remember on where I was going with it. It's been years and finding this makes me want to finish it, not because I want to publish it but because I just want to. 

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It was already morning bright when I regained consciousness, even the sun was telling me it'll miss me. I smiled at the thought of actually replying, I'll still see you on a different time zone buddy. As a contemporary instinct, I lifted my forearm in front of me and squinted my eyes to see what time it was. It read eight:fifty-four in the morning. I turned to my side, feeling my trunk muscles stretch their way to fully wake me up. I saw him sleeping on a bed my room mate used to sleep in, he was curled to one side facing me. I took a moment to look at him and marvel at this sleeping miracle that had completed me and filled up my being these past few years. I tried to memorize every square inch of his face, on my desperate attempt at this breadth waiting to happen. The little unpretentious lines on the outer corner of his eyes. His lips, which defined the masculinity and the softness in him. The same humble lips formed words of comfort, critic, love, acceptance, and assurance. His ears that were slightly pink in color, which looked like any regular pair of ears, but was a wonderful listener, who was always a very patient audience. His closed eyelids that housed the most beautiful eyes in the world. And in that moment, all I wanted to do was touch his face, hold his hand and kiss him for maybe, I thought with extreme daunt, maybe the last time. I briefly closed my eyes and as soon as I opened them, I saw my luggage, and frowned.

My flight was scheduled seven pm that night, and I needed to be in the airport two hours before that. I did fast mathematics and frowned on the fact that I only had ten hours to be with him, or sadly just eight after I realized that loved ones are not allowed inside the boarding area. He looked so peaceful as he slept, his face didn't show a single hint of tiredness and exhaustion considering the fact that he did all the packing. I didn't want to wake him up, and instead wrote a letter to him, that I would later plan to put in his dashboard just as soon as we get out of the car. I laid on a fluffy pillow under my stomach, flexed my elbow and bowed down. I tore a blank page from my notebook, held my pen tightly with my right hand and started writing.

My beloved,

I write this at the same time I see you breathing. Your chest is rising up and down in a manner that's telling me that after all these years, I keep telling myself that you are alive and real. That this isn't just a dream after all. I know I never say how much I love you, but I do and forever will. I just hope my actions can make up for my lack of verbal compassionate gestures. I want you to know that you have made me appreciate life more. And having said that, I'd also like to say thank you for everything, everything. From the first time you held my books for me, up to last night when you helped me pack my things. Please know that I had the greatest time of my life with you. As I always say, there's just never enough words to express every emotion there is. And as far to what I am feeling right now, well-loved and blessed. I don't believe in luck, so i won't say that I'm the luckiest woman alive, instead I will say that God had been so good to me that He gave me the greatest gift in you. You are still sleeping as I finish this, I will never ever forget this day. Again, I am sincere, always had been, and forever to come - heart and soul.

I folded it in three parts, just before a tear fell and hit my mattress. I put it in the little side pocket of my carry-on messenger bag. I stood up to stretch, brushed my hair and teeth. When I was done cleaning myself up, I saw him still lying down but was slowly opening his eyes. I stood in the wall, crossed my arms, and tipped my head sideways against it. I smiled and he smiled back, only faintly.

We managed to pull ourselves together, got up, got decently and neatly dressed and decided to head out a bit to early to have our final lunch, and possibly our final meal before we head to the airport. "We still have lots of time, where do you want to eat?" We weren't hungry for some reason, so we decided to have a to-go meal and park somewhere peaceful and quiet. It was extremely quiet and I felt like we somehow intentionally shut up to listen to our own breathing, and this invisible music that made us both smile looking at each other. It was probably the angels giving the assurance that everything's gonna be alright in their little accordions and harps humming.

We looked at each other and his gaze in return was intent and piercing, lost in our sorrowful yet hopeful stares. We both moved in our awkward position as we faced each other. Tears slowly fell off my cheeks, he gently wiped them with his thumb. His hands were unusually warm that moment, palms that were enclosing all that described the time and my being. "Thank you, you have no idea how much I am going to miss you" was all that could say in my cracked crying voice. After a while, we've both said our long-almost monologue speeches with each other, and we kissed like we've never kissed before, It was feelings suppressed of promises and hopes and for the last couple of days while e are busy with graduation, packing and masquerading that everything was alright. I guess we just realized that this was probably going to be the last time we'd touch each other, for only God knows how long. We hugged each other and I swear, I must've left a tear stain on his shirt, as his tears dried up in my bare shoulders. It was the time when we both emotionally said that we were strong enough to face this treachery of distance and space between us.

It was sort of selfish for me to think that nothing else mattered at that time, but us, only us. It was one of those complex moments where I'll remember for the rest of time. The thinning string that was keeping us together was on the verge of breaking. And soon later, we'd only have this invisible connection that can only be strengthened by trust, faith and communication. They were debatably the ingredients since the day we decided to keep this going.

I made my way inside, and found myself heavily walking to the departure area after I got my boarding pass and cleared customs. I sat on one corner and held on to my bag almost enfolding it in my arms and silently cried inside my eyelids and sunglasses. Even the busy flock of strangers and chaotic place didn't seem to get my attention.I thought of his face that was struck by twilight of the time, a gloomy shadow of uncertainty drew on his face. I also thought of his kiss, his hands that raised up to wave the sad goodbye, and his final words, I love you.

I braced myself for a new life. A life that used to be so known, ancient and easy to me, but ironically seem so distant now, unraveling.