Illustration by: Rose Wong
Hallo Mittelkurs. I don't know when our exam is going to be, all I know is that it is happening soon. We were told to study conjunctions, prepositions, grammar, and to familiarize ourselves with vocabularies for as much as we could. And oh yes! How could I forget, they told us to write and write and write. So that's what I've been doing, I write until the sun goes up and die on me. This is me, tryin to break this temporary cycle of life I guess.
So, when I am anxious, scared, happy, sad, in love, in hate, in lust, confused, ohh the confusion part. And if I have questions that I don't want to ask people and and seek for their advices I know I wouldn't do, I do two things; I write or I pray. (I choose not to drink because I'll fall asleep on jeepney rides and end up somewhere or I might have a Spinal Cord Injury due to drunk driving. So, no thanks)
So being the overly sensitive borderline cursive erratic pseudo writer that I am, I am sharing this again with all of you. (Never fall in love with a writer they say, they have concepts long before every deed and they exaggerate everything lol)
I was driving home, in a street covered in pouring rain, when I thought about making this post. Coldplay's Fix You was playing on the radio. And that's just the ultimate turn on song for me to write things like these. lol I used to be a teacher and I would tell my students to look for a job when they graduate. It feels nice having that freedom. Don't raise those eyebrows yet, I promise I have a point at the end of this.
I am jobless, and maybe this is just my compensatory mechanism. There's more time to be erratic, more time to imagine, more time to write, more time to appreciate nature, more time to sleep, more time to save the world. And most importantly, more time to go to the gym (gym pa gd? lol).
Oh how I miss my patients and wearing my scrubs every day. :(
That's just the introduction. I tend to say things that aren't necessary. Some people call it verbal diarrhea. I think I have that with me, always.
Here goes..
The emotional stages of Learning the German Language
as told by Emery, the dreamcatcher.
Chekka lang.
I. Hallo! Ich bin Emery und ich komme aus den Philippinen. Ich bin 24ever Jahre alt.
A1. I'm pretty sure those were the first German words we all learned. We were able to count from one to gazillion, tell time z.b. 13:44, dates, months, seasons, days of the week, fruits, basic sentence construction, vegetables, basic greeting, familie member, parts of the house.
We all kept that little pocket vocabulary notebook so we can scan and memorize them during boring jeepney rides. Would shout a random guten morgen to a relative or coworker. And you'd feel a little atik knowing you could speak a little bit of it. I thought that was it, but boy ohhhh boy was I so wrong.
Truth of the matter was that I was working on a 9am - 5pm shift around that time, and had my classes at 5:30 to 8:30 pm. I was never glamorous going to school and that my tiny little body was badly beaten up everyday because of too much hospital lifting work. Going to school like a zombie everyday. But on my defense, I think I was able to catch up with all of our lessons. Kis.a highest pa gne. Char lang. Bwahaha.
II. Pa bebe chat kind of thing.
They told us to find a friend online that you can practice with. So I found some German chatmates online. Since I was still literally stuttering in written and oral German around this time, I would spend more time checking out the dictionary or the google translate app, rather than actually conversing. It wasn't a healthy experience. So I decided to let it go for a while and be back if I was better at communicating. Indi pa ko kapa cute kay pitla pa. Tonto ka. Hahaha.
III. Akkusativ, Dativ, Genitiv - Where all the horror started. Janay ka taymperrrs!
Wait! Ano? Halaaaa? What? Der becomes Den? And sometimes becomes dem? Das? Einen? Seiner? Seine? Einem? Waaaait. Stooop!
As time passed, it got quite simpler and was easier to grasp. But I swear to God, It felt like that the first time we encountered it. Good thing I had quite a reliable seatmate at that time, Hi Janfred! Nga-a nag amo ni haw? Que horror! I'm not saying that I perfectly can master this, but I think I have this grasp of the whole idea now.
I think I got it, but not really. Whut?
III. Prepositions and conjunctions. Whole 'notha notch of what the actual fff.
So this is the part that I realized that there are no shortcuts to this. There's just no easy way to break somebody's heart. Aw ah. lol But in all seriousness, my aging neurons are being constantly challenged with all this. I think that's one thing I am thankful for. Huhuhu. Sure? Wala ni short cut?
IV. The return of the comeback. Pabebe wave.
Kay medyo ka inchindi na ang teyay niyo. Haha I could reply faster this time.
I think I found some serious ones online. And I think I also broke some hearts.
Feeler.
They all wanted to come here and see me.
I was good with words I guess. Aaaah words, my weapon of choice. And they somehow loved my speaking voice. Weh.
I declined each and every one of them. All two of them.
I was scared because I wanted to do this the right way and not have my future carried upon by someone else's mercy. I never gave them a chance.
Maybe they really did care for me. Maybe even for just a while, I cared for them too.
Ay, ambot! Hahahah moving on.
V. Hören and its twin sister named disappointment
Is it just me or do all of you suffer the same fate as me? Hai juicecolored. I think this is my very own Everest. I must stop the q-tip when there's resistance! I easily get lost with my thoughts whenever I hear an unfamiliar word. And before I can recall what it is, the voice clip is already finished!
Every effin time! Gaugtas ko ah! Ahahaha
VI. Drama and all that glittery jazz.
It's been one hell of a ride. Again, and it is far from being finished.
But we are the ones who are next in line. Wo uh oh oh! Weh.
But honestly, what we lack in german school is some motivational talk.
I mean we can learn all the German we want, listen to every hören drills, read every handouts, speak awkwardly in class. Laugh at random jokes. Have fun in class.
But what we all need is a little push. A little light to glare us.
I know we are all adults and we perhaps could handle pressures on our own.
But a little talk of hope and light wouldn't hurt us.
We are after all, just mere walking humans with two hands and two legs with a giant heart.
Someone to poke us and sincerely whisper, psst kaya mo na ah.
Someone who will tell us that everything is going to be all right.
Someone to remind us of those things.
Someone to show us the beauty of all this.
I think coming from someone who has the same dilemma with all of you,
Let me help a little by saying,
You are something else.
And if no one has recently told you how proud they are of you.
Well, dear stranger, I am.
All the clocks in the world are ticking yet something good is going to happen.
Spread your wings, man up and let's do this!
(Quarter life crisis hahahaha Shit)
I'm sorry it's 10 in the evening, it's raining and I ate a little cheese.
VII. Acceptance
That we are here for a reason. A reason that we barely can comprehend now.
That there's still a lot to learn.
That there's no easy way.
That this is not upon our hands, but the effort should come from us.
That we should always be thankful.
That there's no looking back.
That it's almost time.
Rampa! Para sa ekonomiya!
Push. Achieve. -E🌱
p.s still waiting for this soul escaping moment.
Again and again, some were written in present tense for added literary drama. Haha
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